Hey, I just met you.
And this is crazy.
But here's some intel
From an Israeli. pic.twitter.com/4RaCfYPfwP

— Bryan Tucker (@BTuckertime) May 20, 2017

KID: Daddy, did the dinosaurs go to heaven
ME: *standing in doorway* Probably
THE KID'S DAD: Who the hell are you

— pat tobin (@tastefactory) May 19, 2017

slap me at the popcorn calendar pic.twitter.com/TjjGffFKLR

— ° Will Wiesenfeld ° (@BATHSmusic) May 18, 2017

skirts at Fox News today will be lowered to half-mast

— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) May 18, 2017

Trump’s first meeting in Saudi Arabia apparently went well. Women can no longer drive in the United States.

— Albert Brooks (@AlbertBrooks) May 20, 2017