Alien: Take me to your leader
Me: Uhhh is there anybody else you'd maybe wanna talk to instead? How about Ryan Gosling

— pat tobin (@tastefactory) April 4, 2017

when your mom is late picking you up from Starfish Club pic.twitter.com/WXhrqJUtXY

— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) April 3, 2017

The Person Who Discovered Sharks pic.twitter.com/USsJ0wL51P

— B R A N S 👼🏻 N (@bransonreese) April 3, 2017

Ms. Pac-Man should only cost 70% of a quarter per play

— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 3, 2017

What do you call an airstrip that's been hit by 59 tomahawk cruise missiles?

LaGuardia

— Downtown Josh Brown (@ReformedBroker) April 9, 2017