maybe this is only because i just went into the other room to get my phone charger and an empty glass i’d left on the table, but it really feels like 2020 will be remembered as the year of going into the other room to get my phone charger and an empty glass i’d left on the table

— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) April 16, 2020

One of the most beautifully authentic things I’ve ever heard. pic.twitter.com/VZhNeGvb6w

— Trey Callaway (@TreyCallaway) April 17, 2020

me: he said you’d say that

therapist: there’s no such thing as time traveling ghosts

— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) April 13, 2020

him: my name is marc with a c
me: oh ok nice to meet you cark

— kim. (@KimmyMonte) April 18, 2020

I like how ads have gone from “buy a toyota” to “this is a difficult and uncertain time for us all…buy a toyota”

— california guy now (@InternetHippo) April 14, 2020

I'd absolutely watch a TV show where Steve Mnuchin and his wife were forced to survive on $1,200 for 10 weeks. https://t.co/3GaDj2zaTp

— batkaren (@batkaren) April 16, 2020

[Dr. Evil voice]

"Twelve hundred dollars"

— ben wasserman (@benwassertweet) March 25, 2020

Dating app opener, week 1: How’s the coronapocalpse treating you lol?

Dating app opener, week 5: You seem sturdy and of good stock. Would you find it agreeable to combine our households (I am free of disease)

— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) April 15, 2020

We need to get on military time. If you tell me you woke up at 6:30 and had a bowl of frosted mini wheats, how am I supposed to know when that is?

— Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) April 18, 2020

And here’s Florida Governor Ron DeSantis putting on his mask… pic.twitter.com/YKLHu7nuBo

— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) April 18, 2020